We’ve all been there in negotiations; you want something, they want something else, and you can’t reach an agreement.
A few years ago I was in Mexico with Tony Robbins and Bill Ury. Bill is the author of the international best-selling book on negotiation, Getting to Yes.
Sitting at lunch one day Bill told us a story about how he helped to negotiate the end of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Both sides had their metaphorical fingers on the button, and he knew he had to find common ground to avoid a huge disaster. He determined that neither side wanted and accidental nuclear war, and from this they negotiated peace.
He told me that the key was moving from positions to interests.
A position is a locked-in state of mind; I want this, if I don’t get it I lose, I want to win and I want you to lose.
When both sides take positions, there is no movement.
Interests are the why behind the positions. What is driving someone to take that stance?
When you can figure out someone’s interests, that opens the door to create solutions where everyone wins.
One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves is that we’re falling behind. That someone else is ahead.
As a young man I associated strength with force; louder voices, sharper opinions, firm lines in the sand.
There’s a strange kind of pride we’ve developed in being exhausted. But even lions, the king of the jungle, rest.
I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have ambition.
We sometimes believe strength means self-sufficiency — that being independent means being isolated.
We often try to outrun the storm, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
We’re entering an age where machines do our thinking before we’ve even had a chance to try.
In church the other day, the pastor gave a sermon that really stuck with me. He talked about two people.